My Exit Blog (Author, Squidge the Dog)

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my owners.  They say it was 17 days and I have no idea how long that is but while these temporary minders are kind enough, they aren’t my regular peeps.   I have been patient and mostly well behaved and it’s been a learning experience for all parties in this house (you know I am a party too).  I will keep my exit blog brief for I am a dog of few words.  I have three recommendations as a result of this visit (I believe in following project management principles, including looking back when the project is over and making recommendations for the future)


  1. Boots
    1. I recommend some clever thinker should invent affordable, warm, easy to put on, non slip winter boots for dogs.  Believe me, there is a market.   Dogs and owners would thank you.
  2. Evidence based veterinary medicine
    1. If there is a raft of evidence based veterinary medicine available, it’s hidden.  Pet owners who are interested should be able to find that information on-line.  I recommend a grad student or an information specialist put together a list of good places to look for trials and studies on animal care and treatment.  I am sure some owners would pay a fee to access such information.
  3. Pet minder course
    1. It clear to me now that being well intentioned and being good at something are two different things.  There are babysitting courses.  Why aren’t there pet sitting courses?  I recommend (it’s a business opportunity) someone offer a course that would help familiarize people with animal behaviour.  These people here would have benefited from such a course.  I would have given some of my treat allowance to pay for their enrolment.  

It’s good-bye to you all from me now.  I have really enjoyed meeting so many of you on-line.  It’s a whole other world I did not know existed.  You’ve been very kind and supportive during my hour of need when I asked you some difficult questions.  

I was thinking of asking my owners if I could have my own blog site but I hear it can take a lot of time so it’s probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.






Riddle Solution

Thank you to everyone who sent in suggested answers to my riddle.  I was going to post the solution last night but time got away on me.  First there was a round of fetch and other rambunctious activity and then a nap and then the huge rigmarole to put on my boots and have my last walk of the day.  By then I was pooped and just wanted to watch Poirot and then head to my kennel.  I thought I’d need a clear head to explain this routine.  

Thank you to everyone to tried to figure out the riddle. Unfortunately there was no one who was able to solve it but there were many creative responses.  No matter, you are all winners and I will still ask my owners if I can come meet you some time.  I’m sure they will oblige.

I’m not complaining but stating a fact that I had to live through 14 of my 17 days with poor boot putting-on technique. Fourteen days where I was very likely to blow a shoe and have a very cold paw or paws before getting back home.  No wonder I don’t always want to go out.  But now things are better.  It eats into my nap time to get ready but things are better.

We are using the PAWZ booties.  For a small dog it takes two humans to put them on, really and if there’s only one human available then it’s almost impossible.  The boots have no insulation but at least they stay on and protect me from salt, ice and snow. (I bought a smaller size and that’s been helpful).  Here’s what we do if there’s only one person around.

Riddle solution:

  • My minder cuts 4 rings from a cardboard tube and covers them with duct tape. (credit to YouTube videos for most of this idea)  She used duct tape thinking it would give the tube more strength but it’s only been marginally helpful.  They collapse after a number of times of being used.  The next version might be little sections of PVC pipe or something else (got any ideas?).  She stretches each of my four booties over one of these rings.  They hold the boot open.


  • When walk time is nigh, my minder puts two towels in the dryer to warm them and starts telling me a bunch of hokum about how going outside is fun.  She warms the towels because she thinks I like it.  She picks me up and puts me on my back on a towel and covers my tummy with another.  It’s warm and I lay quietly.
  • With less than remarkable dexterity, she puts my leg in and pulls the tube up and the boot is then on my paw.  She slips the tube back down and off.
Here we go again
Here we go again but the warm towel is nice
Ms Rube Goldberg Wannabee Puts On My Boots
Ms Rube Goldberg Wannabee Puts On My Boots

And finally I’m ready to go.  I’m not really excited about it however I seem to forget all the preparation once out in the snow.

Do These Boots Make My Paws Look Big?
Do These Boots Make My Paws Look Big?

Well, it’s almost the end of my time here.  I think I have one final blog in me.  It will contain a few observations and recommendations based on my experience during my pet stay-cation.  Is there anything in particular you think I should include in my exit blog?



A Riddle From Squidge

Dear Readers,

I am nearing my last article as a guest blogger.  I understand variety is important in keeping an audience interested so I thought I’d pose a riddle to you.  Since the whole thing is pretty bizarre and you’d likely not believe it (I have trouble believing it and I’m in it), I’ll give you some clues along with some background.  

If you’ve read my blogs during my stay-cation here you may have gathered these temporary minders are well-intentioned but not always adept.  I hear they have gone to school and so they should have learned many things but you wouldn’t always know it.  Especially if you were a pet staying on a holiday in their home.  One of the things we’ve all struggled with is my winter boots.  They thought they started to get the hang of it only last night when my stay is pretty much over.  But it took two of them to get them on so they would stay and now one of them is gone for the rest of my stay here and I thought ‘Oh boy, we’re hooped!’ but then the remaining minder turned to some of her go-to invention building blocks.  Usually she uses duct tape and a coat hanger and sometimes an empty tin can but this time she only used duct tape from that trio.  It doesn’t always work though.  Has she ever told you about the time she tried to devise a temporary plumbing fix with balloons and duct tape at her cottage.  It didn’t end well.  It was funny though.  

Here is the riddle.  It’s a picture of the components of what has been a successful (so far) method of one person putting my boots on and having them stay on for a whole walk.  There is a prize for anyone who gets the right answer!!  My owners will either drive me or fly me to your house and I will do there what I was put on this earth to do, be very happy to meet you, be petted and be your shadow.  My owners haven’t been consulted yet as to this prize but I am a mixed breed and as the vet said last week  ” Squidge knows how to get what he wants”.

Here’s the picture.  I am very excited to see how many entries there will be!!  The contest closes  at 8 PM EST on January 15th.  Oh, and there’s one thing missing from the picture-the clothes dryer.  Good luck!!


Squidge Statistics

It’s -35 with the wind this morning so what’s a dog to do but reflect on his stay-cation   When I was on my short but efficient walk this morning (you know what I mean), I thought about what I could give the human for blog material.  When we got home, I sat down and stared at her till she agreed to blog for me.

Remember to blog about these points!
Remember to blog about these points!
  • 13/17-that’s how far along I am in this visit.  76% complete.  Only 4 days till I see my owners!  Of course I have no concept of time so here they tell me that I’ll see them really soon and I am satisfied with that.
  • 44-number of walks (give or take a few)
    • 176-number of boots that had to be put on my legs for those walks
    • 40-number of walks where one or more of those stupid boots came off and coincidentally the number of times the humans talked about how they should invent something that works and I secretly thought perhaps it’s the humans who don’t know how to pull on the boots correctly
    • 6-number of times the humans didn’t notice the boot had come off during a night walk and they had to go back out with a flashlight
  • 31-games of fetch inside
  • 1-a very exciting one!-I spotted a rabbit on our block last night!  It was so exhilarating!  I barked and pulled on my leash with all my might and wished for a leash malfunction.  That rabbit was scared out of its wits.  It kept running in circles.  I think that’s because it knows I have the heart of a lion and am an intrepid hunter. Hands down, this is the most excitement I’ve had in all my time here.  
  • 20-number of meals where I was fed in that blasted yellow ball and had to chase it around till the food fell out.  I’ve started to pick the ball up and bounce it on the floor and that usually produces some food.  Rolling the ball over to the stairs and pushing it downstairs sometimes works but then I have to go downstairs and bring it back up.  The past while she’s been hiding food in different places too and I have been hunting for it.  I know the rabbit sensed my killer instinct, sharpened by hunting for food here in the house.  Frankly, I’d rather they just put my food in my bowl. 

This all said.  The stay-cation has been okay so far.  I have discovered I have a literary side (didn’t even know about blogging before I arrived here),  I listen to CBC (I’ve learned there is a Canada Writes contest and think I will enter when I get home.  Dogs are not prohibited from entering.  I read the rules.) and I watch Hercule Poirot on PBS in the evening.  I hear I am going to have a bath shortly.  Given the lack of proficiency these people have displayed in putting on dog boots, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for the bath scenario.



Writer in residence


Bravery and Joy in the Same Day

Yesterday I went on my first car ride since being dogsat.  I let the driver know I was a bit apprehensive through whining a new tune on occasion.  When we pulled up to Pet Smart I knew I was sunk.  All 11 lbs of me was shaking.  Big dogs, little dogs, noise and me thinking why do I have to be here.  Something about a beard and…well they call it a “sani” trim but it’s really a beard and bum.  It took all my resolve to be brave but I was and when it was over I wasn’t shaking any more.  Here you see one end being shaved.  I didn’t think you’d be interested in seeing the other view.

IMG_3194When we got home I was exhausted and some disappointed in these humans for putting me through the trauma.  I wasn’t interested in fetch or much of anything.  I may have been down in the dumps after all that adrenalin pulsing through my body.  (I think dog’s have adrenalin, don’t they?).  I’m glad to say the day ended in joy when company came over for dinner!!! New humans to meet!  I enjoy that.  I behaved pretty well but in the end I was just plain tuckered from the day and fell asleep in front of them.  

And a new day has dawned now.  I am being asked to help clean up and do laundry but I’m thinking a nap is more my style.  The weather is getting better but this morning it was still -25 with the wind.  This morning I tried to convince the humans that I am a dog that doesn’t have any bodily functions. I can sleep on this sofa and cuddle into this blanket all day, I said.  No need to take me out.  But they did.  Back inside, I plan to encourage domestic chores from my special spot in the house:


Squidge, mixed breed, champion napper

Does This Camouflage Work?

I have now spent  7 full days on this so called “vacation” of mine.  I am getting literally no outdoor exercise to speak of these days.  It’s -37 with the windchill tonight.  The humans are having some sort of lively discussion about whose turn it is to take me out.   Oh, right, you two get to decide which ONE of you goes out while I can’t bring in a substitute.  Nooooo, it has to be me who goes out.  

I am trying a new tactic.  It’s quite clever really.  You see my coat is a sandy blond colour and that’s just the colour of the carpet on the stairs going to the basement.  If I am called to go outside and don’t want to go (which is pretty much all the time) I go down a few stairs and sit.  I think they won’t see me.  Thing is, though, I look up at them  and my dark eyes and nose show.  But I’m a dog and don’t realize it.  I heard them say if I was a polar bear I’d learn how to cover my nose and fit more into the surroundings.

 I just tried to tear up a paper napkin and that got taken away.  I am at loose ends.  This place is boring. 


Bored Dog



A Dog’s Life

It was a busy day today.  Not so much for me as the humans here.

I might be only 10 lbs but I punch way above my weight.  The humans in this house are very surprised at how much of their attention I take every day.  This blasted winter weather adds to it all too.  Today there were calls to check about my new food and dog booties and then there’s the time it took to dress me when going outside.  Which made me wonder why I was born and live in central Canada and not in Florida.  I bet small dogs in Florida don’t have to stand still to put on a winter coat and four clumsy plastic boots to go outside.  Dogs in Florida don’t slip and slide on the ice with those booties making traction and balance near impossible to the point where I had to pee like a girl.  I just knew the three-legged stand wouldn’t do it.  Let me tell you I don’t stay outside one more minute than necessary.  It’s minus bloody 30 out there!!

Even now I am demanding attention.   The man in this house has some sort of male gathering upstairs this evening and I am stuck in the basement with her.  It’s all fine and well that they are drinking beer and scotch up there but it’s the food.   I can smell the meat they are eating!  AArrrgghhhh!  I am penned down here and longingly looking upstairs.  The only thing that helps is if I lay down on the sofa right next to her and get petted.  She is, therefore, one-handed blogging on my behalf.

My biggest accomplishment today was chewing the nose off my pet dragon.  The stuffing started coming out and then it got taken away.  The dragon supposedly had “Chew Guard Technology”.  Told you I punched above my weight.


The End Of The Dragon's Nose

I Had No Idea I’d Have So Much To Say

As a small dog, well puppy, really, I had no idea I had so much to say when I first started this guest blog. I thought I might blog once or twice.  On the other hand I have a short attention span and this might be the last of my insights before I go home. What I’ve really enjoyed and been so surprised by in the past few days are the numbers of comments to my blogs from humans and dogs.  I am thinking if dogs are this friendly online then perhaps I should consider being more sociable when I meet them face to face.

Today I want to write about eating (again), clothing design for dogs and evidence based veterinary medicine and my incredible assistance around this house.  I haven’t really thought a lot about these things but being in this new, temporary environment has brought fresh thinking. 

  1. Eating: my breakfast was served entirely in this ball affair, a kong they say.  I have to roll the thing around until the kibble falls out.  It’s not easy as the thing rolls under the sofa and down the stairs.  Humans don’t need to chase their food around on the floor until something falls out.  Not fair.  On the other hand I seemed to be full afterward and didn’t whine for more food.  Maybe it’s because it took me longer to eat.
  2. Clothing design: who in the world designs dog clothing?  Well humans of course but do they ever consider things from a dog’s perspective.  Take dog boots for example.  I can see why they’ve been made but really did anyone consult a design engineer or an ergonomics specialist?  I have 4 boots and they are hard to put on and the humans never do them up right for they come off after a few minutes.  They have poor traction.  Haven’t you guys ever heard of Yaktrax?
  3. Evidence based veterinary medicine: one of my temporary masters has a bit of knowledge about evidence based medicine (EBM) for humans and she was asking me if the same existed for animals.  I was looking around and it seems that there is nowhere near as much EBM in veterinary medicine.  And that’s plain wrong, on so many levels.  For all the resources that go into animal care in the developed world, you’d think somewhere there would be a push for information that is evidence based and gives the straight good on cost effectiveness.  I may start a campaign.  There should be databases where veterinarians and owners could look up things and know how much objective evidence exists for  a certain treatment or intervention.  
  4. Helping around this house.  It snowed a great deal last night and I did enjoy a romp in fresh snow but today I am mostly napping.  I did help with the Globe and Mail Crossword.  They say I wasn’t all that much help but I think keeping someone company is always a help.
Who is the Norse goddess of death?  Let me think.
Who is the Norse goddess of death? Let me think.




I Don’t Want To Overreact

Well, here I am into day three of what I was told would be a fun vacation for me while my owners were away.  You’ll have a great time Squidge, they said.  Oh yeah, if they only knew what it was like.  That leads me to the title of this blog.  I don’t want to overreact but if someone out there in the blogosphere has a 1-800 number or an email address for a Puppy Helpline, please send it to me.  I’d like to be in touch with an unbiased but knowledgeable third party.  It’s about how I am being treated.  They make me go for walks when I want to stay inside.   I’ve already told you that but today, in addition to that grievance, I have another one.  

It’s about the food and the absolute unfairness of the situation.  I like the food, mind you.  It’s some sort of new dog food and I can’t wait to be fed and to eat up every last bit.  The thing is, I want more when my bowl is empty.  And they won’t give me more.  And then to add insult to injury the human eats in front of me when she’s “hungry” .  Well, not exactly in front but up high, well above me, and she tries to hide the fact she’s eating but I can smell it.  I do my best to make her feel guilty by sitting at her feet and looking up at her with a slightly mournful expression.    It’s all fine to be a human and go over to the cupboard and pick out something to eat anytime you want but quite another thing to be a dog and be at the mercy of that human who is free to eat whenever she wants.  Not fair.  

There have been communications back and forth about this new dog food and how much I am to receive in a day.  They are giving me amount recommended for a 10 lb dog but since I heard that I’ve been thinking I know where the problem lies.  I am not 10 lbs, I am sure I weigh at least 20 lbs. and so my ration should be increased.  And that’s why I want the 1-800 number as I ‘m sure someone there will come to my aid.    Can anyone help?  

On the bright side, the human members of this household have exposed me to a new cultural experience.  At my regular home I watch TV that 30 somethings like to watch.  Here the crowd is up more in years and they don’t act the same.   They get into their pyjamas at 9pm (sometimes earlier!) and they watch public television.  I am now watching the mystery series Poirot every evening before I go to bed.  I think we will make it through a whole season before I go home. He’s a dapper character, Poirot and I’m sure he’d be my friend if I were to meet him.  There are no dogs in the show so far but if a dog appears I am going to watch to see how much they are fed. 

It’s hard to put on a smiley face in these conditions but I do my best. 




By Squidge, Day Two of My “Vacation”

My temporary masters and I are now in day two of our vacation together.  I am not quite sure about them.  They talk to me a lot.  They ask me all sorts of questions.  I presume they are rhetorical questions and they don’t really expect an answer.  So I don’t answer although I do tilt my head to one side to let them know I am listening.  

My world is viewed from 12 inches off the ground.  It’s a big world out there and things like a leaf blowing down the street can be quite unnerving.  I weigh only 10 pounds or so and big winds are also intimidating.  And they keep taking me outside.  More about that later in this, my second instalment as a guest blogger.

My temporary masters seem to care about me.  Although it was a bit scary yesterday when somehow I got into the laundry room and the door was closed behind me.  I must have been there at least 5 or 10 minutes before my very strategic but ‘I’m not really that bummed out’ little yelps sent them on a hunt to find me.  They say I opened and closed the door myself but that’s hardly possible.  Anyway I emerged happy as can be, sort of a ‘ta da!’ when they opened the door. 

It’s cold and windy here and I am not very happy about going outside.  Frankly I’d rather not.  They talk to me a lot when they are taking me outside.  I am not  eager to come to the door.  In fact sometimes when they play fetch with me and the ball lands near the outside door I’ve taken to leaving it there in case the outside swallows me up when I get nearby.  I think they should give me more snacks around walk time and that might help mould my attitude.  

All this blogging has made me sleepy.  And so, until another time, I remain.